It's Christmas Eve

...so I want to tell you something I've never told anyone before.

Sometimes people ask me "What's your Secret?"

Well, to be honest, I'm kinnnndof Billy Dee Williams.

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I've been missing the golden age of Bo De Duyen, the best god damned vegetarian Vietnamese joint this city's ever seen. I was winging it with this recipe, I had a divine vision, and it worked out so good I took a picture and wrote all this down. Firstly, I don't measure anything, I don't like math enough to want to put it in my mouth. So listen to your heart, follow your instincts and this will surely make your yuletide extremely gay:

Hot-Pot Style Seitan in Black Pepper Sauce

Seitan is made from wheat, if you have gluten or wheat allergies don't do it. You can get seitan in most asian supermarkets or health food stores. If possible, get it in bulk (from big tub of water) but if packaged, get one that's plain and not already cooked or flavored. Get, a bunch of it. You'll also need:

Black Pepper Sauce (a vegan one with no MSG)

Black Bean Sauce (same deal)

Sweet Red Pepper (or yellow/orange)

Garlic (fresh) and Ginger (fresh)

Brown Rice

In a small pot, not a frying pan, put in a bunch of oil. Not olive, it burns easy and tastes strong. I used sunflower oil here. Cut up garlic into slices, at least 2 cloves (you see how the math creeps in?) and slice a bunch of the ginger, give it a few minutes headstart on High and then add the black pepper sauce. A lot of it. And add the black bean sauce. You shouldn't need salt because there's a lot in these. Stir it good, add more ginger if you can take it. Break up the seitan into shreds/chunks, put it in there, turn the heat halfway down and stir the seitan into all the black sauce. Cut the red pepper into slices and add them here. Stir it. Cover it and add a bit of oil if there isn't some hanging out at the bottom, and keep stirring it periodically (it shouldn't be dry enough to stick or burn with the heat turned down). Start your rice. I went with brown but you could roll with whatever kind floats your boat. Try the seitan about now and if you need it, add more of the pepper sauce to taste, then turn it down more so as to time it with the rice being ready.

...I think you can take it from there.

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"It was my understanding that there would be no math."